anjoufic | Into the Blue, 7c/7

Title: Into the Blue 7c/7
Author: Anjou

anjoufic
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica, Logan's POV
Word Count: 4,855
Rating: PG-13 to mild R
Summary: It's almost summer, and Logan is sinking into the blue.
Spoilers/Warnings: S1. Beyond that is just my imagination, running away with me.

A/N: This is the end, beautiful friends, the end.

Thanks to

suzanne_laura for editing, stage direction and generally rocking like a rocking chair.

Any and all characters you recognize belong to Rob Thomas and UPN. Movie quotes are used with love and respect for their original creators, who probably had no idea they were coining iconic phrases that would one day be used in fanfic.

~*~

I am wide open
Reaching forever
I fly into the blue
I am wide open
Reaching forever
I fly into the blue

Into the Blue by Moby

~*~

By the time Logan pulled into the parking lot at Dog Beach, the sky had become overcast and the wind had picked up. A few surfers were out trying to get a good ride amidst the white caps, but the beach was surprisingly empty for the Friday of a long Fourth of July weekend. Logan pulled into a space where he hoped his XTerra just looked like any other surfer's ride and shut the engine off. He wasn't surprised that he felt anxious about being here again. The last time he'd been here had been not only the last time that he'd seen or talked to Veronica, but also one of the worst days of his life. What was surprising was how hard it was going to be to just step out of the car. After nearly two months of isolation, he felt exposed by the vast space of the world outside, awed by the size of the ocean and the blue water that he used to jump into without giving it much thought. Everything seemed large and open, and he felt small and unsure by contrast.

But he hadn't done all of this, hadn't worked this hard to free himself of Aaron so that he could sit in his car and stare at Veronica Mars through the windshield, like she was still just an image on his TV screen. It was time. He opened the door and stepped outside and the gust of wind that came up off the water smelled of salt and freedom. He closed the door and looked up to the grey sky, only to notice that there were glimpses of blue between the clouds. It was warm. It was summertime. And he was free.

Veronica was sitting on the beach, staring out at the water. Her hair was in pigtails, and she had a ball cap pulled low over her brow. He could see the small of her back where her skin peeked out between the hem of her pale pink t-shirt and the top of her jeans. She was curled up into herself, her arms around her legs, her chin atop her knees. Backup sat by her feet. When Logan had first arrived, Backup had been looking expectantly from Veronica to the toy he'd dropped in the sand, but she hadn't taken the hint. Eventually, Backup had given up and lain down.

Logan hesitated as he crossed the stretch of beach. Not only was he unsure of how he should begin, but he was also anticipating that Duncan was right and that Veronica would be unhappy to see him -- that he'd waited too long and hurt her too much. He wondered if he'd be better off just going home and calling her. At least that way he wouldn't have to be looking her in the eye when she rejected him. He stopped altogether and stood there, as yet undetected, looking out beyond Veronica to the water that was all the shades of blue in her eyes and wished for courage, or at least inspiration.

He smoothed down his shirt after a gusty breeze, feeling the pad of her e-mails resting over his heart. He walked closer to her and Backup and pulled out his phone, finally letting his thumb make the connection to her that he'd been aching for, for so long. It was the coward's way to go, and he knew it, but the fact that she didn't know he was there allowed him to watch while she fumbled in her bag for her phone. When she saw the number on the display screen, he was close enough to hear her sharp intake of breath as she clicked through to answer, starting to stand as she brought the phone up to her head.

"I miss you," Logan said from behind her, not bothering to speak into his phone.

Veronica whirled around while Backup whuffed in greeting and then began to bark. There were tears in her eyes, and dark circles underneath them. She was smiling at him, but she kind of looked like she wanted to punch him at the same time.

"I miss you, too," he said, feeling overwhelmed because it had been so long since he'd seen her, and she was more beautiful than he remembered. He choked when he tried to say her name because he was tired and he was crying, but mostly because the expression on her face was breaking his heart, "Veronica."

Before he even finished saying her name aloud, Veronica had crossed the distance between then and stretched up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck like she was afraid he would vanish. Her ball cap smashed into his jaw like the punch he probably deserved and was knocked off her head as she buried her face against his neck. Logan took in a gasping breath of air and finally, finally wrapped his arms around her, shocked into reality by the feel of her, small and strong, pressed against him. The sand shifted underneath them as he held her as tight as he could and he almost lost his footing. Reflexively, he straightened up and pulled her closer, trying to surf the shifting sand. When he realized, as she let him lift her away from the ground, that she trusted him to carry her weight, something inside of him broke wide open. He could feel her sobbing against his neck as he cried all over her hair.

"I'm so sorry," he said over and over, while Backup barked and ran in circles around them.

"No," she protested, "no, I'm sorry." She looked up at him and her mascara was running.

Her lips tasted like tears when she kissed him and the shock of her soft mouth on his was so intense that he was momentarily dizzy. He sat down hard in the sand, but Veronica just followed him down, folding up into his lap and holding his head in her hands, still kissing him.

"I should have told you I came back," Logan said desperately, his words cut up between kisses. His hands were roaming from her head, to her back, down her legs, pulling her in closer, tighter, making sure that she was real. "I didn't think it mattered."

"I know," she said, "I'm sorry I couldn't trust you, but Logan …"

"No, it's OK," he said. "It just hurt so much and I never thought about …"

"I know," she said, "I just wish I figured it out before …"

"No," he said fiercely, "you did figure it out! You were the only one who really tried …"

"I'm sorry," she whispered between kisses, stroking his face. "I don't know why I never saw what he …"

"He's an actor, Veronica," Logan said in exasperation and broke away, "that's like getting a Ph.D. in lying."

"I should have seen it," she insisted, "I could have stopped ..."

"I didn't want you anywhere near him!" He hadn't realized he was yelling until he saw the hurt expression flash across Veronica's face. "That's not what I meant," he said urgently and ran his hands up her thighs to her hips to get her attention, to reassure her that he knew that she was not Lilly. "I just …" Veronica eyes had been downcast, but she looked up at him when he caressed her. "Look at what he did to you," he whispered touching her brow, on the verge of tears again.

Veronica's eyes widened and she put her hand over his and held onto it. "I'm OK," she reassured him, "I'm OK." She leaned forward and kissed him, pushing him gently onto his back in the sand. Logan wrapped his arms around her while he tried to get control of his breathing, and his imagination.

After a while, she sat up again and took hold of his hands. "But Logan," she began again, "the way that you feel about what he did to me? That's how I feel when I think about all of the things that I know he did to you."

Logan shook his head, "None of that matters," he said. "You didn't do anything wrong, and he hurt you."

Veronica stared at him. "Meaning you think you did something wrong?" she asked. "You didn't do anything to deserve that, Logan," she said firmly.

"That's not exactly true," Logan answered, "and it's beside the point. I just don't want him anywhere near you."

"It's not beside the point," Veronica insisted, as tears began to roll down her face. "People aren't allowed to beat their kids, even when they are being bad, and I wish that I had known because I would have helped you." She paused and got control over her voice. "My dad would have helped you, Logan."

"I didn't want anybody to see it," he admitted. "I did everything I could think of so that nobody would find out about it. I just …" Logan shrugged and glanced up at Veronica, hoping that he wouldn't actually have to admit that he was ashamed out loud. He could see that she understood what he wasn't saying. "Besides, it wasn't the only thing that nobody saw." He used the tail of his over shirt to wipe her face.

Veronica looked stricken at his oblique mention of Lilly. "I don't know what she was thinking," she whispered, then leaned forward and buried her face in his neck again. "I've been so worried about you."

"I'm OK," he reassured her. "I'm OK now." He rubbed her back while she shivered, then yelped as she bit him. "What the …?"

Veronica sat back a little, bracing her arms around his head in the sand. "Weevil told me all about the bridge," she said in her pissed off voice.

"Oh," was all he said.

"Oh?" she said sarcastically. "That's all you got?"

Logan smoothed one hand up her back, running it under her shirt so he could touch her warm, sweet skin while he looked at her. Her pigtails were lopsided and half falling out. She was flushed from crying and had a smear of mascara under her right eye. Her eyes were snapping with exasperation and affection and he wanted to sink right into their blue depths and never come up for air again. He pulled one pigtail out and flung the elastic away. They'd probably find it when they went to dig out their phones later.

"Logan …" Veronica warned as he gently combed out her mussed hair with his fingers.

He reached up and used his thumb to clear the smudge away.

"It's getting long again," he said to her conversationally. He knew he was smiling, and he could tell it was irritating her.

"Logan!" She pushed against his chest and her e-mails crinkled. While she was investigating what he had in his pocket, he pulled out the other elastic and fanned her hair out across her shoulders. He sat up, keeping her in the circle of his arms and on his lap as he kissed her neck, her cheek, the small scar on her forehead that was new.

"Logan …" she said in a teary voice when she recognized her e-mails.

He kissed her until they were both breathless, both of his hands open and sliding up under her shirt. "I really did miss you," he said, rubbing his thumbs against her belly while his hands encircled her ribs.

"Then what were you doing?" Veronica asked in exasperation. She carefully folded up the e-mails and placed them back in his pocket. When she laid her hand over his heart and looked up at him, he smiled and fell backwards into the sand, taking her with him and stealing a kiss along the way.

"You might not like it," he admitted, "but I was trying to be smart for once in my life. Well, partly."

Veronica propped herself up on one elbow, and looked at him, her brows drawn down in confusion.

"Because I was also being an asshole. At first."

"Just at first?" Veronica asked archly.

"I promise I'll explain everything," he said, feeling slightly nervous again, "but not here. Come with me? It's the kind of story that requires visual aids, and probably a flow chart."

Veronica stared at him, and he could feel her withdrawing a little. "How about you just try it with words first?"

Logan sighed, and tried to make himself focus. His hesitancy about being out in the open again had reappeared, and he felt vulnerable and exposed. "I'm not sure it's the kind of thing that I should be talking about in public," he said.

"Fine," Veronica said tightly, and lifted herself off him, but he caught her and pulled her back down next to him, feeling her resistance.

"Don't go," he pleaded, and waited until he felt her relax a bit.

Veronica drew back and asked him solemnly. "Then answer my question, Logan: What about the bridge?"

"I'm not that stupid anymore," he insisted.

He leaned in to kiss Veronica but she drew back from him, her blue eyes wide and sad.

"I promise," he said.

Veronica studied his face and Logan could see her struggling to believe him, to move beyond all of the lies and the ways that they had managed to wound each other.

"I promise," he repeated and she moved a little closer to him, her hand coming up to trace his jaw line.

"I promise," he whispered, as her lips curved into a smile just before she kissed him.

"I promise," he said when they came up for air, but she placed her finger against his mouth.

"I believe you," she said, and he kissed her so fast that she didn't have time to get her finger out from between their lips and they were laughing more than they were kissing. "But … I don't think I'm asking for too much here, Logan," Veronica said. "It's been two months without so much as a word from you. I just want an explanation."

Logan nodded, and Backup chose that moment to come back and drop Veronica's drool-covered baseball cap and himself, next to them in the sand. "Good boy," he said absently to Backup and patted his head.

"What's the problem?" Veronica asked.

"I'm afraid you're going to be angry," Logan said. "I did some things that I'm not sure you're going to be happy about."

Veronica was staring at him. He could practically hear her trying to figure out what he was talking about, and he realized he was just making it worse.

"OK," he began, lying back in the sand. "Remember when my mom hired the other PIs to follow Aaron?"

"The ones who took the photos that ended up in the tabloids?" Veronica asked.

He nodded.

"Yeah," she said, with some exasperation in her tone, "I remember them."

"It turns out that the photos weren't the only thing that they did for her," he said, and continued off her querying look. "You weren't the only one who found the cameras in the pool house."

"Your mom found the cameras?" Veronica's tone was disbelieving, and almost as soon as the words left her mouth, she blinked and said, "Oh Logan! I didn't mean it that way!"

"Yeah, you did," Logan said, "but it's OK. No, she didn't find them. She hired them to do surveillance and told them that one of the places that Aaron was having his trysts was in the pool house. Vince found the cameras."

"Your mother hired Vinnie Van Lowe!" Veronica's voice was full of outraged contempt; it was clear she considered this to be a professional insult.

Logan chuckled at her and then hastened to add, "No, no. My mom hired a guy that used to work for Anthony Pellicano."

Veronica's eyes widened. "Anthony Pellicano, Anthony Pellicano?"

"The wiretap king," he said, nodding.

"Wow," Veronica said. "That's pretty hardcore.

Logan nodded. "Vince found the cameras and added two more to them." Before Veronica could ask he said, "in the bookcase and opposite the bed. And then he pulled the feed from the cameras and adapted my mother's TiVo to record everything that happened in the pool house. He made the cameras motion-activated and …"

"I take it back," Veronica said. "That's totally hardcore."

Logan nodded and propped himself up on two elbows.

"So, she was getting ready to divorce your … Aaron," Veronica corrected herself.

"I don't think so," Logan said.

Veronica looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Logan sighed, "I think that my mom thought that if she embarrassed him in public with the tabloid pictures, and then confronted him with what she had on him, that she could make him stop."

Veronica didn't say anything, but her eyes were wide and sad.

"Yeah, I know," Logan said. "My mom wasn't realistic about a lot of things." He flopped back down and Veronica stretched out on her side next to him. "On the day she died, she told him that she just wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt her. And I think that was true."

He wondered if Veronica was aware of the way she was rubbing his chest in an attempt to soothe him. He stared up at overcast sky, and finally said, "Vince told me that when they showed her everything they had on Aaron that my mom seemed really sad. That when he told her they had enough dirt on him to guarantee that Aaron would have to give her a really big divorce settlement, that she seemed shocked." Logan was silent for a minute. "I'll never understand it," he admitted, "but I think that, despite everything, she still wanted him to love her."

Veronica made a dismayed noise, but she didn't say anything, just laid her head down on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. Logan knew that she probably had her own opinions about his mom, but he was grateful that she wasn't sharing them.

Eventually, Veronica raised her head to ask him the question he'd been waiting for, "Logan, did your mom tape …"

"No," he said, lifting his own head up to look her in the eye. He touched her cheek. "She seemed to have gotten really suspicious around the time that Lilly was killed, but … she didn't get the cameras installed until after."

"Do you think she knew about Lilly?" Veronica asked solemnly.

"I don't know," Logan said, with a sigh. "If she ever said anything to Vince about it, he wouldn't tell me. But basically, there's no evidence that my mother had that will help the case against Aaron."

Veronica's face fell a little, but then she looked contrite. "I'm sorry, Logan," Veronica said. "I had to ask. Old habits …"

He nodded. "Don't apologize," he said, "I won't ask you not to love Lilly."

Veronica's eyes shone with tears. "But you don't love her anymore," she said in a whisper and hid her face against his chest.

Logan sighed and dropped his head back down into the sand, rubbing her back. "It's not that simple, Veronica," he said. "I mean, I loved my Lilly, but I'm not sure that I didn't just make her up, you know?"

"I'm sor --" she started to say, but stopped herself at the expression on his face. "Are you going to give the tapes to the District Attorney?"

Logan sighed and sat up. "This is the part that I don't think you're going to like," he said.

"Try me," Veronica replied.

"Do you remember when I said that I was being an asshole?"

"I've been waiting for it," Veronica muttered, as she sat up.

Logan laughed. "Is that your favorite part of stories about me?"

Veronica arched an eyebrow, "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?"

Logan smiled. "Maybe," he admitted, and started to make another joke, but caught himself when he looked at Veronica's face. He held out his hands to her. When she took them, he tugged her gently back into his lap. "OK," he began, "I was really mad at you."

"I kinda figured that out," Veronica said dryly.

"At first, when I wouldn't answer your calls it was because of that."

"OK."

Logan was really feeling nervous despite his best efforts to maintain control. "Then, I found the TiVo that was hooked up to the pool house cameras."

"Uh huh," Veronica said, clearly perplexed as to where this conversation was going.

"And, um … we're on the TiVo," Logan said.

Veronica stared at him, and he could see the wheels turning in her head. "Motion activated," she said under her breath.

"Yeah," Logan said.

"OK," Veronica said. "You don't want to give the tapes to the DA because we're on them?"

"Partly," Logan said. "Do you remember that night?"

Veronica looked insulted. "I'm not particularly proud of having run away, but my memory is just fine, Logan."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Logan said. "We talked, in real detail, about what happened at Shelley's party."

Veronica nodded. "You talked about the GHB."

Logan shook his head, "This isn't about that kind of self-preservation, Veronica," he said. "But it is about being selfish. Too many private things in my life have ended up being topics of conversation that strangers talk about on the news, or on the internet, you know?"

Veronica nodded slowly.

"I don't want anyone seeing that tape. What happened that night was just between the two of us, and I want to keep it that way." Logan paused. "I don't think even you can understand how important finding that on my mom's TiVo was."

"Try me, Logan," Veronica said again.

"I, um, was so mad that I had convinced myself that you didn't care about me," Logan said slowly.

"And the tape changed your mind?"

"Watching you find the cameras changed my mind," Logan said. "I had to kind of face the fact that I gave you every reason not to trust me."

"OK," Veronica said slowly, "but I still don't see where you're going with this."

Logan nodded and tried to gather his thoughts. "I don't think Aaron will ever be convicted of Lilly's murder," he said, watching Veronica carefully. She looked stricken at his pronouncement. "And I think that he would do everything in his power to make sure that he won't be found guilty of hurting you and your dad," he added.

Veronica's body was stiff with tension on his legs.

"If Aaron can get in front of a jury, he can convince them that you are the one who is lying," Logan continued, as Veronica opened her mouth to protest. "Please just let me finish," he said, "please. And there's another thing, and it's a big thing." He paused. "It's a selfish thing. I can't live with him, Veronica." Veronica took in a surprised breath and nodded. "I can't."

"I'm afraid of what he'll do to you," she whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I think that one of us will end up dead," he agreed, and Veronica stared at him in shock.

"Logan …" she said.

"Like father …" he began, and she shook her head.

"No, Logan," she said firmly.

He shrugged. "The point is, I can't live with him, and I can't let him get away with this. He's gotten away with so much, Veronica."

Veronica was silent, but he could see that she agreed with him.

"I meant what I said about wanting to protect you," Logan said. "So, this morning, Cliff and I met with Aaron. I told him that if he doesn't plead guilty to assaulting you and your dad, I'll destroy him."

"How?" Veronica asked quietly.

"I can show you what I have," Logan said, "The tapes of him from the pool house. My medical records." He could see that Veronica was surprised, but she didn't say anything. "I told him that I'll testify about what he did to me if he doesn't plead guilty to the assaults on you and your dad."

"I'm sorry, Logan," Veronica said after a long pause. She continued before he could chastise her. "It's just … it's all so wrong."

"It's the way it is," Logan said. "I can't change it, but I can't let him walk away from this. Is blackmail still a crime if you're doing it for the right reason?" he asked flippantly.

Veronica's only answer was to hug him fiercely.

"Come with me," he said into her shoulder. "And I'll show you everything."

When they broke apart, she slid off his lap, sitting back on her heels in front of him. Her fingers traced his jaw where the hard brim of her ball cap had smacked into him.

"Love hurts, Veronica Mars," he intoned sagely.

"Not today," she whispered and kissed him where his jaw still ached a little.

Logan smiled as he nodded in agreement, then kissed her before he stood up and extended a hand down to her. "Come with me?" he asked again, and this time, she took his hand and let him pull her up. He couldn't resist kissing her one more time out of relief and happiness.

"So," Veronica said, as she tried to get an excited Backup back on his leash and Logan found their phones and Veronica's left shoe, "is, um, Trina at your house?"

Logan laughed and tucked Veronica's gritty, funky ball cap into the outer pocket on the leg of his pants as she shot him a grateful look. "Oh, that's a whole other story," he said.

They were almost to the parking lot when Veronica asked innocently, "So, are there naked pictures with this 'other story'?"

Logan groaned. "Since when do you read the Enquirer?!"

Veronica pursed her lips, "Oh, I think you're really kidding yourself if you think that those pictures were only in that paper," she teased.

Logan gritted his teeth in exasperation as Veronica bumped up against him in a hip check.

"Besides, according to most of the female population of Neptune High," she paused dramatically, and lowered her voice, "and approximately 10% of the male population, you have no reason whatsoever to be embarrassed."

"I am definitely, seriously considering getting a GED," Logan said. He was reasonably certain that you could cook a steak on the back of his flaming neck, not to mention his cheeks.

"Aww … Logan …" Veronica teased, her eyes sparkling. "All right, new topic: Would you care to explain the phone thing from earlier?"

"Uh …" Logan scrambled, "you had me at hello?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Uh huh. You've been at home mainlining American Movie Classics, haven't you?"

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do," Logan said with a swagger, unlocking the car doors remotely.

"Show me the money," Veronica challenged.

Logan grabbed her and kissed her, pressing her against the passenger side of his car. "According to what you said, you've already seen the 'money'" he whispered in her ear, then stood back and let Backup in the car.

He was gratified to see that he wasn't the only one who blushed in this relationship as he sauntered around the front of his car to the driver's side.

The sight of Veronica Mars sitting in the passenger seat of his car made him happier than he could even express to her, so he leaned across the console between the seats and kissed her.

"What?" she asked him, after they broke apart.

"Ready to drive off into the sunset?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow while Backup whined and settled down in the backseat.

"Oh, right," Veronica scoffed.

Logan smiled and said, "Well, my dear Chief Inspector, even you cannot deny that a) it is sunset, b) we are in the car, and c) we are getting ready to drive away."

Veronica shook her head at him in consternation. "C'mon, Logan, no one's going to buy the Hollywood ending for us -- honestly," she shrugged, dismissing the idea and turning to look out her window.

Logan reached over and tugged on her hand until she turned back to him, then he leaned in and kissed her gently. He pulled away and looked into her blue eyes. "You've just described every great success story," he quoted.

Veronica stared at him. She appeared to be taking the measure of his sincerity, while he just sat there and waited until she'd made up her mind. After a moment, Veronica tilted her head to the side and her lips turned up in a slow, sweet smile. She nodded once.

Logan leaned over and kissed her, trying to pour all of the love and gratitude that he felt into it. When he drew back, he pressed a kiss into the center of her palm before he placed Veronica's hand back on the console between them. He pulled the sunglasses down from his visor and slipped them on, peeking at Veronica over the rims.

"Showtime," Logan said, and Veronica's laughter filled the car. He grinned at her, then he put the car in gear, and they drove away.

~*~

The End