anjoufic | Into the Blue, 7b/7

Title: Into the Blue 7b/7
Author: Anjou

anjoufic
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica, Logan's POV
Word Count: 3,026
Rating: PG-13 to mild R
Summary: It's almost summer, and Logan is sinking into the blue.
Spoilers/Warnings: S1. Beyond that is just my imagination, running away with me.

A/N: The devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina on the Gulf Coast has been absolutely horrific. Wherever you are out there beyond this screen, I pray that you are well fed, dry and safe. Please do what you can to help another in need.

The characters you recognize are the property of Rob Thomas and UPN. There is one more piece of Chapter 7, which will be up … soon.

~*~

I am wide open
Reaching forever
I fly into the blue
I am wide open
Reaching forever
I fly into the blue

Into the Blue by Moby

~*~

Logan was surprised to find himself in the parking lot of Neptune High when Ari gave him a nudge to wake him. "You're kidding," he said, as if his eyes had deceived him. "I haven't done that since I was five."

Ari answered with the rare quirk of his lips that passed for a smile. It made him look somehow more saturnine, barely ruffling the smooth line of his close-clipped beard. "I'll take it as a compliment to my driving," he said coolly, "rather than as a testament to your tiredness."

Logan chuckled and pulled the passenger seat up into a sitting position. Now that he was actually back at school, he was in no hurry to go inside the building. He looked around the deserted parking lot for his car.

"It will be here shortly," Ari said. "Unless you'd like me to wait."

"No, thank you," Logan said quietly. He continued on in a hesitant tone. "The thing is, I don't know if you work for the Echolls' family anymore." He paused. "I did something this morning, and I don't know what Aaron is going to do because of it."

Ari nodded. "Gavin would never allow us to leave until there was somebody else to protect the house and its occupants," he said. "Also, you could just hire us yourself."

Logan snapped his head up in surprise, but could only see his stunned expression reflected in the smooth black of Ari's sunglasses. "You'd stay?"

Ari quirked an eyebrow above the rims and ignored his overeager question, "The security codes for the house were changed this morning."

"Thanks, Ari," Logan murmured. "I didn't think of that. What are they?"

"Your birthdate," Ari answered, "without the year, and today's date. Don't forget the zeroes."

"Are you spying on me, Ari?" Logan teased.

"I believe that you're running a bit late for your appointment with Ms. James," was all he said.

Logan was smiling as he exited the car, slinging the backpack over his shoulder, but the closer he got to the building, the more the spring in his steps lessened. In fact, his steps slowed down as he got to the door. It really was weird being back at Neptune High, almost surreal. For the first time, he actually wondered how in the hell he was going to endure senior year.

The empty hallways were filled with memories, but Logan felt like they had all taken place ages ago, like he was looking at the familiar walls from the far distance of a ten year absence, not mere weeks. Nothing about his life was the same, but nothing was different here at Neptune High. He walked down the echoing hallway, looking at the scoured lockers with their scars of keycuts and faded ink stains. How was he supposed to return to the world of Pirate Points, and school dances? What would he talk to people about? Who would he even talk to? He shook his head in chagrin, turning the corner toward Ms. James office. Her door was ajar, but he knocked on the frame.

"Logan?" she called from inside.

"Yeah," he answered and pushed the door open. Ms. James was wearing jeans and filing.

"Oh, good," she said, "I was starting to wonder if you'd blown me off."

"No," Logan said, "I, uh, just had some other appointments."

Ms. James was looking at him in that assessing way of hers. "Why don't you close the door, Logan?" She sat down at her desk

He did so, and sat down reluctantly. Over the weeks, he'd actually had a couple of decent conversations with Ms. James, but being back her in her office was very off-putting and he couldn't help but wonder …

"Your, uh, friend Ari sent people over this morning to check out my office."

Logan knew he shouldn't have been, but he was surprised. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. James," he began.

She raised a hand. "Not as sorry as I am, Logan. Your security people found two listening devices in my office." Ms. James seemed infuriated.

"Two?" Logan asked. Veronica had admitted to him that she'd bugged Ms. James office, but …

"Yep," Ms. James said. She picked up a stapler. "One was in this stapler, and the other … was in a light fixture."

Logan blew out in exasperation. He was pretty sure that Duncan's family was responsible for the other bug, because if Ari had put it in, he never would have yanked it, and if his mom had put it in, Logan would already have known about it. Logan shook his head. "I'm really sorry, Ms. James."

"I don't see what you have to do with it, Logan," she said, "unless you know something about this."

"I can guess," Logan said, "but I didn't have anything to do with it. I'm just sorry. I know you must feel disillusioned."

Ms. James just stared at him for a moment. "Wow, Logan. That's either a very mature or a supremely cynical response."

Logan shrugged. "At my house, people have been trying to pay off everybody from the gardener on up since Lilly was killed. It died down after Abel Koontz was arrested, but since Aaron …" Logan waved his hand around, "Ari's had to put dampening devices around the house so that our phone transmissions wouldn't be recorded. We had to disable our wireless internet network. I don't know how many times the garbage has been stolen."

Ms. James looked stunned.

"I mean, my own sister sold pictures of me swimming naked in our pool to The National Enquirer," Logan said. "She got a quarter of a million bucks so that the world could get a blurry look at my wang."

Ms. James' mouth was literally hanging open.

"I hear the real thing is available on the internet as a premium download," he said sarcastically, "but I haven't Googled it yet to see how popular it is." He took in a breath. "I guess what I'm saying is that I was born into this circus, and it just got worse, you know? After Lilly." He paused. "But I'm sorry that people that had nothing to do with this, you know, normal people like you, got all swept up in it."

"Do you think the tabloids bugged my office?" Ms. James asked him. She looked absolutely furious at the idea.

"No," Logan said. "I think your office was bugged all last year."

"By whom?" she demanded.

Logan sighed. "This is only my theory," he said, "but, um, Duncan's family thought that he'd killed Lilly. I mean, you know, that's why they did what they did." Ms. James nodded at him, and he could see that she'd already figured out where he was going. "I don't imagine that they were too happy about you counseling Duncan."

Ms. James looked down at the surface of her desk and didn't say anything for a long time. "Logan," she said, looking up, "if you don't mind me saying so, you seem very, very calm about everything that's happened."

"I'm not on drugs," Logan said, "if that's what you're asking me."

"What I'm really wondering is how are you coping with all of this?" she asked earnestly. "Among other things, you just told me that another member of your family betrayed you."

Logan nodded and leaned forward, putting his elbow on his knees. "Yeah, but see, the thing is, I never expected them to protect me."

"Not even your mother?" Ms. James asked softly.

"Not really," Logan answered gruffly. "She, um, she gave up a long time ago."

Ms. James was silent for a minute. "So who protects you?"

Veronica was the first thought that came to mind, but Logan knew that was more something he wanted to be true than fact. "I guess I decided I have to," Logan said. He was looking at his feet.

When he looked up at Ms. James, he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. "I'm glad to hear that, Logan," she said. "I think that you're a lot stronger than most people realize."

He shrugged.

"I want you to know that I'm very proud of you," Ms. James said.

Logan felt himself flushing as he listened to the unaccustomed words of praise.

"You finished all of your schoolwork, and there was nobody there to tell you that you had to do it. It took discipline and focus and you did a really good job. I know that you've struggled with depression," Logan looked up at her, "and I wish that I'd been able to help you more – I wish there was somebody that you could count on, but … you've really done very well on your own."

Logan nodded, unsure of what to say.

"What are you going to do this summer?" Ms. James asked.

"I don't know," Logan answered, after a long moment of silence. "I … I just don't know." He fell silent again, unsure of how to explain to Ms. James that he'd only focused on getting to today, on getting through today. "I guess staying out of the Enquirer seems like a stupid goal."

Ms. James laughed, and after a moment of surprise, Logan joined her.

"Logan, I think that's a wonderful goal." Ms. James handed him a folder. "These are your grades for the year. They're still provisional. Your last assignments," Logan hastily handed her a folder from his backpack, "will have to be factored in, but … congratulations! You're a senior."

Logan snorted.

"Kinda anticlimactic?" Ms. James asked.

"Yeah." Logan said shortly. "Kinda."

She smiled sympathetically. "Behind your grades there are some college choices that you should think about. I went beyond what you asked me for."

Logan shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "It all just seems so …"

"Normal," Ms. James supplied.

"I don't think I know how to be normal," Logan confessed, looking at the folder. There were pamphlets for Columbia, Duke and Northwestern, aside from schools in New Zealand and Australia.

"Logan," Ms. James said, "do not let other people make your choices for you. This is your life. You can decide how it's going to be."

Logan looked up from the file at Ms. James, surprised at hearing the echo of his own thoughts said aloud. "Yeah," he agreed.

~*~

To: Surf_dog_logan@gmail.com
From: PI_Pride@gmail.com

I miss you.

~*~

Logan walked out of Ms. James' office and back into Neptune's familiar but strange hallways and felt the same sense of dislocation that he'd felt walking into the building. Maybe he should just get his G.E.D. and screw senior year. Who was he anymore? All of the pieces of his high school identity had been shattered around his feet in the past two months. He wasn't Logan Echolls, King of the 09ers, the son of movie stars and the boyfriend of the doomed Queen of the 09ers. His mother had killed herself, laying waste to the notion of her glamorous life. As for Aaron, Logan had meant what he promised earlier in the day: either Aaron went to jail, or Logan would ruin him.

And, of course, depending upon which tabloid you chose to read, Logan was either a casualty of his father's cuckoldry or his partner in crime in some warped sex triangle. The fragments of his own history could be distorted to fit any lens. Lilly's reputation had undergone a similar permutation. He doubted that anyone would remember her as the lost Queen of 09er society any more – instead, she'd be seen as either a slut or a victim – her crown permanently tarnished in ways that would have infuriated her. And he wasn't Duncan Kane's best friend, or Veronica's pal or her tormentor or her boyfriend.

The question was, just who in the hell was he?

Logan was so deep in his own thoughts that he failed to notice that he wasn't alone. Just as he realized that someone was approaching him, he heard the footsteps stop.

He looked up and Duncan Kane was standing there.

"Hmmph …" Logan said aloud, but he kept on walking. Duncan had a folder in his hands, so it seemed that Logan wasn't the only one who'd missed a lot of the last semester.

When he had passed Duncan completely, he heard him say. "That's it? That's all I get, Logan?"

Logan turned around and Duncan was standing there expectantly. Logan sighed. After his exhausting meeting with Aaron, seeing Duncan was just like one ending too many, sort of like in that last Lord of the Rings movie. Logan was tired, and he wanted to get to the real end, the expected end, of his long, long day.

Of course, the perverse imp that lived in his brain took over his tongue anyway. "Are you talking to me? I mean, I was under the impression that I was persona non grata, what with the unanswered e-mails and the lack of returned phone calls."

"Like you've got a leg to stand on," Duncan said. "That was all before…" Duncan gestured vaguely. "You haven't been around for weeks. You've been ignoring everyone." Duncan paused, then added, "Including Veronica –- she's been very upset about it."

Logan laughed, since it was clear that irked Duncan. "C'mon, are you honestly going to pretend that you really give a fuck about Veronica's feelings now?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Duncan said hotly and stepped forward. "I have always cared about Veronica! I've always loved Veronica!"

"Oh, you're such a hero, Duncan."

"Where do you fucking get off?" Duncan began.

"She told me, Duncan," Logan interrupted. "She told me all of it."

Duncan looked at Logan with a wary expression on his face, then moved toward him angrily. "What are you talking about?"

"Your father, her mother. How you thought she was your sister. Beautiful story, by the way."

"Fuck you," Duncan said, but he stopped moving toward Logan and began to shift uncomfortably back and forth from foot-to-foot. "It isn't true."

"Yeah," Logan said. "But you didn't bother to tell her, or me, what was going on. Very brotherly of you," he observed and turned to walk away.

"Don't you put your guilt on me!" Duncan yelled, and pulled on Logan's arm trying to spin him around, but Logan planted his feet and they grappled until Duncan was standing in front of him, blocking his path. "You weren't her friend! You were the one who treated her like she was dog shit on the bottom of your shoe!"

"Yeah, I was," Logan said right into Duncan's face. "But at least I didn't take her virginity one night and then pretend like it never happened for a year and a half."

"It wasn't like that," Duncan said through clenched teeth, his chest heaving into Logan's. "And you oughta know that, since she told me that you fucking drugged me."

"Yeah, I did," Logan said and he pushed Duncan backwards with the weight of his body. "But you remembered exactly what happened that night, right?"

"So?" Duncan answered hostilely.

"So, I guess you can't really say that it was my fault, can you?" He stepped into Duncan again, his voice tight with anger. "You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you did it anyway."

"I was on drugs!" Duncan said in exasperation.

"Were you on drugs the next morning when you left her there, all alone?" Logan asked. "You know that she thought she'd been raped, right? I mean, she did tell you that, didn't she?"

Duncan stared at him. "It was a lie," he said softly, but heatedly. "She doesn't blame me."

"Well," Logan said, "bully for you. But don't you fucking pretend like you didn't do something wrong."

"It's none of your business, Logan," Duncan said. "That's between me and Veronica."

"Oh, please, Duncan," Logan said, "it was my shoulder that she cried on."

"Yeah, what about that?" Duncan said, pushing forward again. "What about the fact that she was my girlfriend first?"

"What, are you gonna pee in a circle around her?" Logan crowed incredulously. "You think you deserve her after what you did?"

"And you deserve her?" Duncan matched his tone. "After everything you did to her?"

"You're right, Duncan," Logan said. "I was a total jackass to Veronica."

"Yes, you were," Duncan said.

"And you were standing right next to me almost every time that I was," Logan said. "Now let me see if I can count all the times that you told me to lay off or to leave Veronica alone." He acted like he was thinking about it and Duncan shoved him backward.

"Oh, right," Duncan said, "now I'm responsible for you treating her like dirt."

"You want to hear my theory about that, Donut?" Logan sneered.

"Don't fucking call me that!" Duncan snapped and pushed back against Logan.

"My theory is that you let me punish her because you felt guilty about what you'd done." Logan rushed on over Duncan's objections. "Oh yeah, and I did it, I admit it. Because I was just twisted enough to think that I was being loyal to you and to your other sister."

Duncan took a breath in and a step back at Logan's words, but Logan followed him. "But you know what I keep thinking about, Duncan? Trina. I have never gotten along with her. Never. But would I let some jerk talk trash to her the way I did to Veronica?" He paused. "Nope. Not even I would let that happen, and I'm an asshole." He pushed hard against Duncan. "So, now, the question you have to ask yourself is -- what does that make you?"

He shoved his way past Duncan.

"It wasn't my fault," Duncan repeated, trying to circle back in front of Logan and grabbing at his arm as Logan moved past him.

"Nothing is ever your fault, Duncan," Logan said, turning back to look Duncan in the eye. "That's why you'll make an excellent politician."

Mr. Clemmons appeared behind Duncan's shoulder. "Gentlemen, is there a problem?"

"Not on my end," Logan said. "I'm through." He pulled his arm out of Duncan's grasp and walked away.

~*~

Part 7c